it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
