I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
