i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize