you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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