Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I lost the right to judge tonight
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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