I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
