I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
