the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
