she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
