I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
