you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
