I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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