I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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