gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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