a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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