I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize