Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I would ride that face into the sunset
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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