It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
