I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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