Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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