the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
