the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
