i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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