I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
