I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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