Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
