my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
