you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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