Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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