never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
