for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
