And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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