I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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