Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
