sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
