DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
