Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
