I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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