I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
