and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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