Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize