You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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