Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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