Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
