Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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