It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
this hospital has no fireball
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
