I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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