Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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