It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
