he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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