okay pat passed out under dana's car
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
