Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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