I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
