Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
