Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
