Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
