he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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