So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
