I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
