I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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