her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
