How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How does one acquire holy water?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
