I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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