I wish I could punch you in the face.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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