so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
