I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
