I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
