I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize