If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
