idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my poor anus
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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