Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
