fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
