We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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